Mistakes. Everyone makes them, right? But how effective is it to tell oneself that you make mistakes? I thought I came to the understanding that there is no such thing as "right" or "wrong" because every situation is subjective, and I can learn and gain from any scenario. Pretty enlightening, but I only thought I understood, I didn't actually understand.
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Until now.
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If I did something and did not like the outcome, I was still looking at my decision as a "mistake." I had no other language for it. I get the idea of "learning what I don't want" but I find my thoughts get into vicious cycles of "I shouldn't have done that" or "I should've known better" etc. I also get that I couldn't have known something I didn't, and sometimes I have to experience something to know whether or not I like it. But it's the language I use with myself, "mistakes I've made" and equating that thought with failure, which is self-destructive.
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Mistakes are associated with, and equated to failure. Believing that my decisions, actions, thoughts and behaviours are mistakes is essentially telling myself I am a failure. Believing I am a failure has only caused me to stop trying. Very detrimental to my self-progression and self-empowerment. I came across great language to replace the nagging thought that I've made a "mistake."
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I'm no longer allowing failure to be an option. "Result" has now replaced things I've previously labelled as a "mistake." When the outcome is a result, then that can only be translated as "success."
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The real trick is that results are not always desirable, or positive, but they are results of the actions I take. The same actions will produce the same results time and again. If I always do what I've always done I'll always get what I've always got.
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The easiest way I can apply this to myself is "budgeting and saving money." If I were to treat every pay day as a shopping spree, I will not have saved anything. Although the feeling of carelessly purchasing anything I desire is great at the time, and I stress that this is a short-lived feeling. I begin to regret my carelessness at the end of the month, when I'm scrounging to make sure bills are paid. I go over every purchase labelling it a "mistake," beginning my vicious cycle of going over my "failures." How dis-empowering! I'm reminding myself of my actions, telling myself they are mistakes and this translates to me being a failure. This line of thinking makes it even harder to change my actions.
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Consider this truth; believing I'm a failure at saving money will cause me to stop taking responsibilty for my actions. How many times have I heard, "Oh I was never any good with money!" (this is not a reason for over-spending, it's an excuse for not taking responsibity for your actions)
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If I believe that I can only create results, not mistakes, then I was successful at spending, which gave me a short-lived sense of "power." The only way for me to get the results I desire and empower myself in the long-term is to take responsibilty for my actions and behaviours. If budgeting/saving is my goal, then lamenting over any lost money will not bring it back. Changing the way I talk to myself will give me the power to accomplish my desire to save money. Those previous purchases were only results of over-spending, and if I was that successful at spending imagine the possibilities of what I can do with saving! ☺
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